We’re Still Doing This Self-Compassion Thing
You know how after there’s a death, the first week or so is full of support and then people move on with with their lives? It feels like with Covid, March was the equivalent of that first week. My social media timelines were flooded with supportive memes about self-care (I clearly follow a lot of therapists) and conversations with friends and family centered around making sure we were all “okay.” Fast forward seven months, a few weeks away from the election, and I’m feeling pulled to revisit the themes of March. Many of us are preparing for colder weather and losing the ability to shake off cabin fever with a socially-distanced outdoor hangout or long walk in a park.
In addition to anticipating the worries of the future, we may also be conflating the future with the memories of the recent past cold weather months. Take a few moments to check in with yourself and even scribble down a few words that come to mind when you think of how you felt in March. Without realizing it, have you been assuming that this winter will feel similarly? I think about how much information we have learned from the scientific community about reducing the risk of illness, and how little we knew last winter. For example, I wasn’t wearing face coverings in public until a full month into social distancing and quarantining. It helps me feel grounded to remember that I am better equipped to keep myself and my loved ones healthy this winter season.
Yet, other uncertainties may feel larger. We are coming up on the election, working hard to maintain summer’s energy of anti-racism labor. We each bring our own specific fears to this season, and it’s okay to acknowledge those parts of our experience. Of course I can’t predict exactly what you’re feeling right now, but I hope these reminders of the core tenants of self-compassion help you to feel grounded in warmth, trust, and peace. Click here for guidance on thinking through some common myths and mental traps.
Kindness
It never gets old to check in with yourself and check yourself on your self-talk. What stories are you telling yourself about your self-worth, how you should be feeling, or what you’re doing wrong? If it doesn’t pass the test of something you’d tell a friend, it deserves closer examination. If you’re feeling stuck, remember that self-compassion isn’t something you have to do alone, either. Sometimes we can be so stuck in our patterns of what we assume to be true that we take our thoughts as facts. Check in with someone you trust and ask them what they notice about how you talk about yourself. Can you challenge yourself to receive their feedback with gentleness towards yourself? If you can receive openly and believe kindness offered by others, you are practicing self-compassion.
Shared Humanity
At this point in the social-distancing game, remembering our shared humanity is a delicate dance of using technology, spirituality, and as much in-person contact as we can safely maneuver. However much social contact you are or are not getting right now, part of self-compassion is holding space for the belief that we are all interconnected and all belong. When I’m having a hard time feeling connected to a message I need, I like to write it down on a sticky note and put it by my bed or on my laptop. In times of greater motivation, I’ve even colored full page printer paper with an affirmation. If you’re feeling lonely or finding it challenging to remember our shared humanity, try writing down an affirmation or mantra that fits your spiritual beliefs.
Mindfulness
It can be so tempting to go towards numbing out with tv, over-exercising, or drinking a little more than usual. If this what you need to do, I respect that. I encourage you to practice increasing your capacity to sit with what you’re feeling and how it feels in the body, even if it’s a little bit at a time. You can start with a guided meditation or body scan that’s only 5 or 10 minutes, or journal for only a few minutes at a time. You can even start with asking yourself to name one feeling a day. As always, connect with a licensed therapist, certified coach, or spiritual guide for more support. You know where to find me if you think we might be a good fit.