It can be agonizing to not know if the person you love is feeling the same about you. As a therapist in Detroit, I hear clients struggle with these types of questions all the time. It can be both exhilarating and terrifying to  be on the lookout for signs and clues that someone loves you.

As if that weren’t difficult enough, it’s even harder when you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about how you’re feeling.  You might not yet be ready to share your truth with your friends or partner. In this blog, I’ll share some information to help you understand why you’re feeling this way and what to do about it.

There’s no trick here – external validation is exactly as it sounds. External validation is when you receive positive feedback from people around you. This can be from friends, family members, coworkers, strangers on the internet, or romantic partners. You might be reading this in hopes of learning how to stop needing external validation. I hear all the time that people feel “addicted” to validation and feel a sense of shame for what they describe as needing constant validation. You might feel pressure to stop relying on others and to increase your own confidence.

If you’ve ever contemplating ending a relationship with someone you deeply care for, you know that it can be pure agony. You might feel terrified of living with the regret of walking away too soon while simultaneously feeling completely burned out from the conflicts within the relationship. Your friends might be hinting that they’re tired of hearing about the same fights and the same feelings over and over again. Family members might be expressing concern for your sense of well being.

If you’ve ever caught yourself longing for the one that got away, you might feel equal parts embarrassed and confused. I invite you to lean into reflection and curiosity to gain clarity about how to proceed.